My Two Dads
Bart Heynen spent years photographing gay fathers with their children across America for his book 'Dads.' In celebration of Father's Day, we revisit his 2021 interview where he shared the stories behind the images.
Photography by Bart Heynen
In 2021 Mastermind spoke to Bart Heynen about the stories behind some of the images in his photography book Dads.
Dads was an ongoing project in between other work the past four years. I went to these families and tried to get as much time with them as possible, which is why it took so long. I had to sell the project, convince them to be part of it. It helped, of course, when I said I’m a gay father myself. I told them the reasons I wanted to do it, which was very much also to meet other gay parents. I didn’t know many people in New York who were gay parents. I had an intern working for three months, beginning in 2016, and she reached out to organizations and different focus groups. Once we had a little pool, we started shooting straight away. Most people said yes right away because they all want to share their experience. It’s very American to be part of a cause.
For me, what was challenging was to walk a fine line – I didn’t want to idealize all these families, but we’re still in a stage where a lot of people are reluctant [about the idea of gay families]. I wouldn’t include pictures that were too offensive, though sometimes I would have loved to. It wasn’t the right time. This is the first book about gay parents, and I wanted to say that these kids are loved like any other, but at the same time, the families have unique features.
It was activism, in a way. Very personal. It was for my kids and for myself, but also for those who want to create a family but face all these obstacles. We’re the lucky ones in Western Europe and the United States. In some parts of the world, it’s just a fairy tale. Even in France, in 2013, there were tens of thousands of demonstrators protesting gay marriage. The images really struck me at the time.
I really didn’t think I was going to be a father until my 30s. Then I started talking about it with my partner – now husband – and we heard more and more about surrogacy, but it still seemed like such a big and difficult process until we got into it. We had a great experience, actually. It’s expensive – more than $100,000 in the U.S. The obstacles are financial, but for a lot of people, they’re also social. Like, what are people going to think? Do they live in a place where they’re going to be the only gay parents? Do the kids go to a school where it’s not respected or tolerated? So, there are many, many obstacles to go through, but like any kind of pioneer, you have to face them and conquer them. I’m very proud that I helped – not that I’m changing anything, but just that my children know that I made this for them, and I tried to help. I am proud of that.
Bart Heynen (left) and Rob Heyvaert with their sons, Ethan and Noah.
This was part of a series for a Belgian-Dutch magazine of people photographed while they were sleeping. We built a bridge over their beds and set up the cameras with a remote and a strobe, and then we just left the room and let them go to bed. The aperture opened up every 30 minutes. The next morning, we came back and checked what we got. I’ve always been very attracted to showing intimacy in photographs. I don’t know why, but intimacy is so important; you don’t often see it. It’s hard to get it, and once you get it, it’s really beautiful to see. It’s inspiring to share.
Al DiGiulio (left) and Chris Soucey with their sons, Tommy and Luca.
When I arrived at their place in New Jersey, they were very friendly – very, very nice guys. I’ve become friends with them. As with most people I photographed, they started playing with their children and wanted me to take pictures of them playing. I did take those pictures, but I wasn’t going to use them. I wanted to have something where it seemed like I wasn’t there.
They gave me a long day, so I was shooting them while they were in their kitchen. What struck me was that they were a family that was so much in sync. They were doing everything at the same time in this beautiful, synchronized way that I just fell in love with – how they raised their children. There are no gender-specific parenting roles in gay parentship. The roles are so easily exchanged without going back to stereotypical roles, where the mum makes the food, and the dad takes the kids to soccer. It’s interchangeable, and this family, in particular, did everything together.
Cover image is of Mike Lubin (left) and Tom Eagen with their son, Jack.
This was taken at Horace Mann School in the Bronx in New York City, where my son also goes. There are a lot of traditional parents; it’s changing – there’s an LGBTQ club – but the school is 160 years old. The parents of the boy I photographed agreed for me to take a picture of their son, but when the day came…
You have to imagine, it was a Lacrosse practice; all these parents were watching their sons play, and they were 17- or 18-year-old high-school kids. There was a macho thing, very straight. I asked them to go pose with their son in the middle of the field while all the other players were taking a break, but the [other] parents were watching. There was a hesitancy – not from the boy, he was cool – but from the parents. They were like, “Okay…” People knew they were a couple, but they never really talked about it; they didn’t officially announce it. Now they were standing there with their son, being photographed in the middle of the field. They were telling me to hurry up, now, now, take the picture. And suddenly, I got really upset. I always keep my cool, but I was upset because they were putting me back in the closet. I felt shame because they were so uncomfortable while their son was completely comfortable with it. We’ve made up, but that picture was not easy to make, even though it just looks like three people standing there. There was a lot of tension around it.